The following is something I wrote in my journal back in 1995 when I was struggling to formulate my own spiritual path. It was a very difficult period in my life when I had become disenchanted with what I believed back then and what was really important in my life. I hope it helps you in whatever way it can.
By nature, I’m an existentialist in the sense that I can make no excuses in my life. There is value in my life; I have abilities. If I reach down deep I will find the answers and the guidance I need to see it through. When I think this way it’s easier to think of God as a personal God, existing in me trying to be realized through our combined effort as one of zillions of individual truth bodies that He created in the Universe. I’m one more tickle in God’s heart because He has never, till this day, seen one such as me and I alone can give to Him inexhaustible joy through being who I am.
This “I”, historically and personally in me, must be discovered thoroughly and highly developed because its great to get advise from other people but not at the expense of the internal guidance, individuality, the integrity and virtue that is within every individual. It is then and only then that you can receive information from others because then you have beliefs, values, integrity, passionate beliefs upon which to criticize what comes in.
That is why I’m so passionate about this aspect of me. It says, “I know I can do it. What is it about me that I can draw from, to fix this?” Ask first within yourself, then and only then go for help from others who may know. Then you have been sincere. Then people know that “Hey, this guy isn’t just trying to leach off information from me. He’s already tried to find out. He’s even got some pretty good clues. I just may have the missing piece but he’s done most of the work.
This in addition should prevent people from black mailing you thinking, “Oh man, this guy’s looking for a free ride but I like it; he depends upon me. That’s a nice commodity to trade with. I’m going to milk this opportunity for all it’s worth.” See, then people find a way to screw you. It’s a part of human (fallen) nature. So figure it out or try to on our own but if you can’t, get some help from a brain team like Napoleon Hill talks about or people who do know and really appreciate them for it. But doing that because you’re lazy and don’t want to figure it out for yourself is really harmful to your own integrity.
So, I’m an existentialist, a firm believer in the sacred “I” or “me” or whatever. There is so much about me that is holy, God-like and totally profound and its in everyone. You don’t need to believe in God. (don’t take me literally on this, I’m just trying to make a point) Who are you and what are you doing that’s valuable? I’m not going to impress you about some god out there and all his “magical powers”. That’s a waste of my time cause’ I already know how you’ll react to that. Forget about God for now. How do you value yourself and what are you doing to benefit yourself and others around you? You’re a walking miracle with all the profound things going on inside your body at this very moment. That happened before they ever tried to blow some god up your ass and get you to be religious. You’re already religious. Look what going on inside of you. If you don’t know then take an anatomy class. I guarantee that you’ll come away from that changed. That’s if you’re sensitive and who among us in this politically correct society of ours isn’t? You can’t deny the beauty inside your body. You’re magnificent!
But enough with the superficial pleasantries. You must first of all and foremost realize your definitive value as a human being and never sell it to some company, group, organization, Anybody! That doesn’t mean don’t get a job or don’t get involved or get married to somebody. Consider yourself sacred and valuable cause’ you are.
Join a religious organization or get married, whatever. Fine. But don’t ever do it to get something because when you do you’ve already lost. Do it to contribute, to give, to add something. Add what? You, that’s who. You know who you are. Give them YOU. YOU is something they’ve never saw before. You, my friend, are the only one that possesses it. Oh, it may be awkward or look funny or not be so polished. So what. Give it to them anyway. Give them the RAW YOU. Get it out there and then begin sculpturing it and round off the edges. But you better make sure it’s the real YOU and not some fake phony or fraud. Don’t take it from a fashion magazine or teen rag. Look in yourself. Take an hour a day and sit alone by yourself. I know it’s not easy but if you miss this chance then you get confused trying to always please someone whether it be your parents, spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend. The world’s tough enough as it is to be trying to figure out what you’re trying to prove through these tedious mind games. So don’t play em’. Be yourself and if other people don’t like it tell em’ to kiss off. Well, you can be more discrete than that but you know what I mean.