The Elsie Investigation

elsiethecow

WHAT’S THIS…OUR FAVORITE BREAKFAST BEVERAGE CHANGED FOREVER….ELSIE ON TRIAL….OUR BELOVED BOVINE BLANKETED WITH BASELESS  BULL$#%&#…..

[YOU ARE NOW VIEWING THE TEXT FROM A PREVIOUSLY RECORDED LIVE FEED ORIGINATING FROM THE FLOOR OF THE UNITED STATES SENATE…..]

[Begin Textual Transmission Feed]

Lorn Kelly: All that I’m advocating here senator, and for all those interested in reducing our environmental footprint on this planet which we have hitherto violated with our previous and current technology, is an opportunity for us to renew our sacred pact with Mother Earth. I am…..

Senator Ficklestein:   Don’t you mean your opportunistic capitalist venture, Mr. Kelly?

Lorn Kelly:   I’m afraid I don’t understand, senator.

Senator Ficklestein:   Oh, come now Mr. Kelly.  I have study after study numbering in the hundreds of pages here stacked almost as high as my water glass which clearly show that not only have you potentially endangered these animals rights but you could be looking at substantial time in prison for violating several environmental laws. You are a reckless mad scientist, Mr. Kelly, akin if not blatantly worse than what has occurred at Plum Island in the past couple of decades.

Senator Lahschee:   Let us break for lunch ladies and gentlemen. We shall reconvene in two hours. 

[End Textual Transmission Feed]

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