Lost In A Lost World


Have you ever felt the vague feeling of being out of sorts, out of place or alienated from the world you live in?

For as long as I can remember this has been the rule rather than the exception in my life.  I’ve always felt that there was something not quite right going on around here. Something was out of place. I’ve just always felt that there was something so subtle about what was wrong within the world I was born into. Perhaps it was the innate curiosity which I felt as an infant as I moved gently into my childhood years. Just as I acquired the capability of speech and saw it expedient for me to begin exploring the world around me but also being cautioned by my parents and influential adults around me of the basic rules that govern this world I found myself on the verge of a very important tool for doing that exploration.


This being out of sorts or feeling of alienation seems to have led to my need for questioning my surroundings. I always wanted to know why. Naturally, if I was in complete harmony with the world around me then there would be no need for taking it upon myself so aggressively in questioning it. I would be happy enough to settle for all of the information about this world I was now a part of that would be disclosed to me by my parents. There were times when I did query them about these things. Unfortunately for me and for them I seem to either ask those questions at the wrong time or at all since most of the times when I did I got very confusing looks from them.

“Why is the sky blue, mom?”, or “why is the chair so hard?”, “who is that standing over there?” when, in actuality, as my mother looked in the direction I was pointing to—according to her own perception—there was no one really there. But, I could see someone there. Was it my invisible friend? No. It happens to be a well known fact that very early on in a young child’s life they can still see past the dimensional veil of the physical world through into the realm of the spiritual world. I don’t understand why my mother couldn’t see what was so plain and obvious to me. And therefore it was nonetheless very disheartening to see how blatantly cruel my mother’s attitude was toward me when she finally after several years when I reached the age of seven or eight said to me, “Jimmy, you can’t just sit around here and dream all day long. Look outside at all of the kids playing in the street.”

What she did, essentially, was give no acknowledgement to what I happened to be feeling or thinking or experiencing at that moment. I wasn’t a total shut in or a geek. I loved to go outside. I had friends. Not many friends; I wasn’t mr. popular on the block I grew up on but I had friends and I was a likeable person. But, there were these times in which and probably due to the fact that I had attention deficit disorder as a young child, I felt like day dreaming, when I felt distracted and took fanciful flights into my very active imagination which seemed to people observing me that I was on cloud 9 or just spacing out.

What went on in my mind when I was spacing out? Sometimes I would observe things in nature or listen to the very interesting sounds that chirping birds made. What was especially amazing were the sounds that cicadas made on a warm summer day. This was unlike any creature I had ever heard It was a mesmerizing sound. I felt that if I listened intently enough to their song that I could detach myself from the seemingly impenetrable bonds of this physical dimension and transcend its reality just through aligning the vibration of my mind with theirs. I was to find out later on in my life when I had achieved some success in meditation that according to what I experienced, there is a sort of signaling sound which can be heard just as your body is relaxed enough to allow itself to release hold of your essence which animates it. That is what an out of body experience is and the sound that you hear prior to your release sounds very much like the song of the cicada.

Something else which I thought about when I experienced this “spacing out” was feeling sorry for myself. Now, most people would tend to discourage someone from what would otherwise be a very unproductive use of thought. It would be like the entropy of pensive thought. “How could you allow yourself, your thoughts to descend to deep into despair?”, is how the predominant collective thinking would go. There’s just not a whole lot of acceptance of such a thing. Not a whole lot of people, practically no one will tolerate this. The only entity worthy enough to, however, is You.

You, meaning this most important entity alive within your skin, animating your body and what your body is actually physically alive on this earth for, is not just a pronoun that I’m utilizing here to divert attention from addressing myself or projecting onto the larger collective audience so that I can seek, in comparison, for a state of feeling better about myself; In utilizing the term You I’m allowing the physical person who is alive and The Higher Self to engage in communication. To avoid this while I am in the death throes of such a potentially deprecating action as feeling sorry for myself is to drive myself into a deeper and deeper depression. To temporarily split your persona into both higher and lower selves, however, allows the “me” to engage in some meaningful give and take and arrive at some solution with which I can get to the bottom of a very precarious neurosis.

But, seldom was this ever implemented by me as a young child. Anyway, as I said, most of the time when I was spacing out I was either caught up in the beauty of nature or just lost in thought.

To be lost in thought is somewhat interesting in itself. What I mean by lost in thought is that there is nothing particularly that I am presently thinking about. Nothing. No Thing. I actually became very adept at this and didn’t realize that it is the key to achieving a successful meditation and living a rewarding spiritual life

To empty ones thoughts or turn off the “noise” in your head is, in effect, the key to dislodging the tenacious tentacles of the ferocious ego that keeps us trapped within its snares. It is the tool, the pathway, the vehicle if you will which all religious people desire to have better developed to the extent to which they can ascend the craggy mountain which man must triumph over in order to find a true and lasting peace.

Fortunately, for me and no doubt due very much to the fact that I have Attention Deficit Disorder, this came very easily for me. But, I wasn’t quite sure how to use this to my advantage. The best I could do when no one was around was to engage in these fanciful flights of imaginative journeys. The worst that would happen would be getting slapped upside the head for wasting my time so foolishly. It wasn’t until I began appreciating this tool of meditation for spiritual advancement that it all became so clear to me how important quieting one’s mind is and how easily it could be for me since I was so adept at spacing out.

So, when I recognized my innate ability to quite my mind, had some initial success at a few out of body experiences then it became clear to me that I Am Not My Body and never was. But, this is something that cannot be taught. It resides, principally in the realm of revelation. And all that you can do if you wish to convey the importance of this to someone else is relate your subjective experience to them. They must experience themselves before they can know it. It will never be about believing in the fact that a human being is not the body it occupies. It will never be about believing in God. You cannot believe in God with any hope of evolving past the habit you have created to be in allegiance to the rule of your ego over you. It is paramount To Know God and that cannot be done by merely being a good person and attending church consistently on Sundays. It cannot be achieved by getting with the right church or religion. It is a sacred, personal endeavor and it usually comes down to the decision that you must make to quiet the mind, become aware of the You that occupies your body and what you’re here for.

It’s always a personal quest. No priest or pastor can take the place of your drive to meet that power within which you have formally assigned to Something Greater Than Yourself. Oh perhaps for a limited amount of time its always helpful to seek the wisdom of someone closer to God than you. But, then again there is really no such thing as someone being closer to God than you are. There may be those who have had more experience than you. Ultimately, you are on your own timetable. When you’re ready, you’re ready and you’ll know it.

I welcome any and all of your feedback on what I’ve written here.  Thanks for your interest.



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