I’m Haunted By My Hate For My Mother

When people talk about

How they knew her well,

I am seething inside,

“You’re so naïve; can’t you tell,

She wasn’t all that perfect

This woman who took in all the kids

Of the neighborhood

And taught them ping pong”, I’d say.

 

But they don’t know you Mom

Like I was raised to know you

Like you poisoned me to know you

I’m haunted by my hate for you…mom

 

Jeff and Dawn lauding praises upon her

Memories filtered by time

The same tired old stories

About you mom

 

But they don’t know you Mom

Like I was raised to know you

Like you poisoned me to know you

I’m haunted by my hate for you…mom

 

Why do you think they repeat the same old stories

Possibly to maintain the memories they fear to lose

You’re gone

You died back in 2006 and

We spread your ashes at Tobay Beach

I remember Sue doing the honors

And then a south wind blew them

Back onto the sand

Redirecting the intended direction

Away from the open sea

As the blackened ashes

From your body

Blackened the sand

 

They don’t know you Mom

Like I was raised to know you

Like you poisoned me to know you

I’m haunted by my hate for you….mom.

 

I have no memories of my love for you mom

No tender memories of you as my mother

One time Dawn kept grilling me

Using different tactics to help me remember

But to no avail….I could not recall you as my mother

 

They don’t know you Mom

Like I was raised to know you

Like you poisoned me to know you

I’m haunted by my hate for you….mom.

 

Mom….it’s just an acronym, really

Mean Old Mother

It’s not like you inflicted physical punishment all of the time

You didn’t ever fail to feed me

But, like Suzanne said one time, “She checked out, Jimmy.”

 

They don’t know you Mom

Like I was raised to know you

Like you poisoned me to know you

I’m haunted by my hate for you…mom.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s